Monday 9 May 2011

Tri-Step-Success-Matrix

Step #1. The Name

Advertising is a competitive industry, so in order to stand out, it’s important to create a memorable name. Harnessing the power of inexplicable buzz-words is essential. By combining two powerful, quasi-related words, you double-up your advertising skill-set, while dominating everything with mass-hyphenation.
We chose the words ‘Dynamic’ and ‘Renegade’ because they evoke other words such as ‘proactive,’ ‘interpersonal,’ and ‘winningest.’ The key to industry success is to buy into the psychobabble, and then use it to completely fuck up everyone else’s shit.

Step #2. Fucking up everyone else’s shit.

Reasonable men would argue that advertising is based on lies and misconception. Fortunately, reasonable men do not work in advertising. So it’s important to create lies and misconceptions about your competitors. A company’s name can make or break the agency, and a bad one can be exploited by your competitors:

Let’s focus on the importance of a name’s initialised abbreviation, starting with Dynamic Renegade:

‘D.R.’ reminds people of Dave Reagan, 40th President of the United States, Berlin Wall destroyer, and AIDS and Crack Cocaine advocater. Absolutely bulletproof. Now check out our pathetic competition

Wieden + Kennedy = WK.  – Wieden + Kennedy are one of the most established names in the industry. They hold some of the biggest accounts in advertising, including Nike, Honda and milk. But their initials leave them more vulnerable than the child labour they employ: ‘W.K.’ reminds people of sugary alcopops, and thus teenagers, being sick, daterape, and teen pregnancy. We imagine. Wieden + Kennedy can neither confirm nor disconfirm that they advocate these things.

Saatchi & Saatchi = SS. Indicative of their undoubted connections to Nazism.

StrawberryFrog: That’s just disgusting.

Step #3. Thought provoking print media
If we have one goal at this company, it's to steal other companies ideas, and exploit their apparent racial prejudices. Take that Hovis.

Hovis: Hill-cycling bread-making toon racists:


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